Three weeks ago, my husband took a load of sheets out of the dryer and lost one of two dryer balls. To this day, we haven't found it. How does that happen? My answer: Only in our house.
A lot has been going on in my hubby's world that makes me wonder how we've managed to keep it all together and only loose one dryer ball these last few months. My husband is my rock. The glue that holds our family together. The calm one. Level headed. Patient. Non-complaining. (I'm not even sucking up, he doesn't read "our" blog.)
Recently, he's lost sleep. Been irritated. Complained more than I think I've ever heard. It's his busy time at work. He's feeling pressure from different levels of employees. It's not like him to seem so aggravated. I try to listen quitely knowing he needs to vent, but sometimes I say things that probably adds to his trouble. My reaction is for him to tell them off. You're the boss! Get mad! Fire them for pete's sake! He has that power. Did I already mention he's the patient, level-headed one in our relationship?
We are approaching 21 years of marriage in just a couple of weeks. I'm more madly in love with him than the day we married. We have three kids together. One carries his genes. All three of them he fathered. I've seen him treat all three kids the same through the years. Sacrificing for their needs. Providing, loving and encouraging in his patient way. He's done the same for me. I take for granted how he tells me multiple times a day he loves me. He compliments me on every meal I cook. He tells me I'm beautiful at least once every day. He always kisses me good morning and goodnight (even if I'm asleep). I didn't know I needed him in my life so badly. However, God did. I'm glad He intervened. It hurts me to see my hubby frustrated.
All I can do is pray for my husband through this time of challenges. The busy season will come and go and again reappear. I'm going to work harder on daily appreciating the man I married. I'll eventually replace the lost dryer ball with a new set. Right now, we'll just keep working on keeping it all together - together!
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Never Once......
It seems I've been on quite a journey of memories lately. I've thought about things as far back as elementary school and all the years in between. Some days have been a flood of memories and some days have been that something simply pops into my head. It doesn't help that I'm finally digging into totes and boxes stacked in our basement that contain pictures, papers, and memories of life.
Have you ever reflected on your life? I mean really reflected? Have you thought about situations you were in throughout life - rather it was choices you made or circumstances beyond your control.?
I'm not ashamed to say that I believe in Jesus. I've actually believed for a long time, but I've not always lived a life that reflected that belief. Through these flood of memories I'm encountering, it's easy to reflect and see how God worked situations in my life. Even when I made choices that were pleasing to myself, harmful to others and definitely not God honoring, life lessons were taught.....just not always learned. Even when all I wanted to do was please God with my life, tough situations arose and choices had to be made.
A song we sing at church by Matt Redman, Never Once, sums it up nicely for me. I can't sing it without crying.....thinking of situations God has brought me through, protected me, and made me stronger. Even in dark times, when I've made wrong choices and felt alone, I've never been left on my own.
Life is short. We don't always do things right. Our circumstances change and can often feel out of control. Listen to the song I'm referring to and reflect on your life.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
The Not So Glamorous Side of My Life
With a glorious reunion comes great joys and yet unexpected struggles and sorrows. I've been at my breaking point many times in the last few months. I'm unable to explain my feelings, thoughts, and yet I so understand what is going on inside of me. It's the most uncomprehending thing I've struggled with in my life.
I miss my mom. More today than a year ago. More than two years ago. I miss her more than I ever imagined I would. It's more than the day her first grandchild graduated college. It's more than the day her grandson got married to a wonderful, godly woman. It's more than the day her last grandchild graduated high school or the day she went to college to pursue Nursing. My mom would be so proud of all of them. I miss my mom for questions I'll never have answered. Questions I didn't even know existed when she was living. On January 26th I wanted to celebrate that day she went to heaven 3 years ago. With much sadness, this year I just could not.
Throughout 20 years of marriage, my husband has been my rock. My sounding board. My shoulder that I regularly cry on. The one who keeps me patient. The one who makes me keep my mouth shut. Sometimes he's the only logical one. Yet I'm experiencing something he can't even comprehend or understand. I often wonder if I should seek counseling....a real spiritual counselor. Who has experience with this stuff? I don't even know! All I can do is cry out to God.
When two people find much peace in their heart from something that has been knowingly - and unknowingly - longing for 40 years, why is there unrest from others? Family members who I know and love and those I don't know have verbally and non-verbally expressed their not so happy opinions.
On the outside looking in, it seems as if the reunion between my dad and I has been wonderful. I think I can speak for both of us that it most definitely has been! However, what happens in my deepest thoughts and in our one on one conversations is so much more complex. I'm constantly retraining my brain to know how much my dad loved me all the years he never had anything to do with me. I can't grasp how an entire family (7 other siblings, grandparents, & cousins) just left me alone when so many lived in the same school district or just a short drive from my home for many years. I can hear dad give the explanation many times over. I just can't understand it.
I could once count on two hands my family on my mom's side that I knew. All of a sudden I have an enormous family. I don't have the sense of family that is in the Bowers blood. I have never known that. My husband's family is this way too. I don't understand it. I've never lived it. I shy away from it. I'm having a hard time accepting it. It was easier with just my two hands.
God has pushed me out of my comfort zone. How can I have so much peace but yet turmoil at the same time? Why does He allow that to happen? God was beaten, mocked and scorned. This is nothing in comparison to His suffering and pain. For me to have gained so much and yet feel so alone has only got to be growth & change from God.
I miss my mom. More today than a year ago. More than two years ago. I miss her more than I ever imagined I would. It's more than the day her first grandchild graduated college. It's more than the day her grandson got married to a wonderful, godly woman. It's more than the day her last grandchild graduated high school or the day she went to college to pursue Nursing. My mom would be so proud of all of them. I miss my mom for questions I'll never have answered. Questions I didn't even know existed when she was living. On January 26th I wanted to celebrate that day she went to heaven 3 years ago. With much sadness, this year I just could not.
Throughout 20 years of marriage, my husband has been my rock. My sounding board. My shoulder that I regularly cry on. The one who keeps me patient. The one who makes me keep my mouth shut. Sometimes he's the only logical one. Yet I'm experiencing something he can't even comprehend or understand. I often wonder if I should seek counseling....a real spiritual counselor. Who has experience with this stuff? I don't even know! All I can do is cry out to God.
When two people find much peace in their heart from something that has been knowingly - and unknowingly - longing for 40 years, why is there unrest from others? Family members who I know and love and those I don't know have verbally and non-verbally expressed their not so happy opinions.
On the outside looking in, it seems as if the reunion between my dad and I has been wonderful. I think I can speak for both of us that it most definitely has been! However, what happens in my deepest thoughts and in our one on one conversations is so much more complex. I'm constantly retraining my brain to know how much my dad loved me all the years he never had anything to do with me. I can't grasp how an entire family (7 other siblings, grandparents, & cousins) just left me alone when so many lived in the same school district or just a short drive from my home for many years. I can hear dad give the explanation many times over. I just can't understand it.
I could once count on two hands my family on my mom's side that I knew. All of a sudden I have an enormous family. I don't have the sense of family that is in the Bowers blood. I have never known that. My husband's family is this way too. I don't understand it. I've never lived it. I shy away from it. I'm having a hard time accepting it. It was easier with just my two hands.
God has pushed me out of my comfort zone. How can I have so much peace but yet turmoil at the same time? Why does He allow that to happen? God was beaten, mocked and scorned. This is nothing in comparison to His suffering and pain. For me to have gained so much and yet feel so alone has only got to be growth & change from God.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Truly Thankful Thanksgiving 2013 Part 1
Thanksgiving morning 2013, I had little sleep from talking face to face to my dad until 2:30 a.m. It was after 3:00 a.m. before I would get to sleep. However, I wasn't tired. Instead, I was excited and nervous that my dad would be at my house for Thanksgiving Day this year.
Prior to our meeting, I honestly wasn't sure if we would share dinner in our home or if we'd pursue finding a restaurant. However, since all our phone conversations and our first meeting went well, I figured it would be easier to sit in the comforts of home and enjoy a meal together. Especially since random crying would sometime evolve during any one of our given conversations!
To give a little back story about how I "prepare" for guests, my husband says I get a little crazy. Crazy might be a nice way of putting it. I like things to be picked up, clean, and everything in order. So if you live with me, you must participate in my "craziness". You should strongly consider not crossing this crazy lady if I just cleaned and then you ever so slightly do something that messes it up. I mean - c'mon -You know you won't clean it back to the way I just had it! In fact, you're probably best not to breathe in the area I just cleaned & organized. Are you getting the picture? With all that said, Todd survived the week prior to Thanksgiving & he even commented that I was oddly calm before dad's visit. It's true I wasn't even uptight about him cleaning - or not cleaning.
I welcomed my dad to our home Thanksgiving morning around 10:15 a.m. It was such a joy to open our home to him. I love our home. We already have so many memories here in a short 2 1/2 years. We were about to create new ones.
Dad looked at our family pictures that are placed around our home that have been taken through the years. Pictures of our kids, his grandchildren, whom he had yet to meet. We talked of items that Todd and I have made or redone together that now have a purpose in our home. We hugged, held hands, laughed, cried, and talked and talked. It was good to be in my home with my dad.
Back to Thanksgiving Day..... I pulled out a few couple boxes that mom had left. Dad and I sat together as he explained the best he could about newspaper clippings, post cards and letters that were sent during the Vietnam war. We chatted over pictures of when I was little & photos of family. He told stories of working for my grandpa on the farm, high school, and his life after my mom. He had my full attention, and he was capturing my heart. My memories started to evolve from only remembering the bad things to beginning to remember the happier times.
Lunch was easy for us as it consisted mainly of snacking......crackers, summer sausage, cheese, veggies. We were saving the big meal for when Jerod & Jessica would join us later in the day. More conversation continued to take place about our lives. Just sharing story after story. My dad and husband get along great!
The middle of the afternoon came and Jerod & Jessica arrived. Dad was about to meet our son for the first time. I think they were both quickly smitten with one another. Conversation came easily between the two. Trucks, motors, guitars, music, guns.....I think they could talk all day. I know Jerod was having fun since I noticed his phone never came out of his pocket for hours - and I mean hours - that day.
We had a non-traditional Thanksgiving dinner that evening gathered around our dining room table. What a joy to share a meal together. Even with little sleep, the day went fast. I don't even remember what time everyone left because after 12:30 a.m., what difference does it make? =)
Once during a phone conversation prior to our meeting, dad had begun to apologize for not being a part of my life or the fact he didn't pursue me. I stopped him and said - In our house, we have a sign that says "It Is What It Is". Todd & I live by that saying. Sometimes there is nothing you can do about a situation. It is what it is. You've got to deal with it and move on. I told dad this is how I feel about our past. We can't do anything about what did or didn't happen, but from this point forward we certainly have the ability to make the right choices. It is what it is but so far it's all good!
Prior to our meeting, I honestly wasn't sure if we would share dinner in our home or if we'd pursue finding a restaurant. However, since all our phone conversations and our first meeting went well, I figured it would be easier to sit in the comforts of home and enjoy a meal together. Especially since random crying would sometime evolve during any one of our given conversations!
To give a little back story about how I "prepare" for guests, my husband says I get a little crazy. Crazy might be a nice way of putting it. I like things to be picked up, clean, and everything in order. So if you live with me, you must participate in my "craziness". You should strongly consider not crossing this crazy lady if I just cleaned and then you ever so slightly do something that messes it up. I mean - c'mon -You know you won't clean it back to the way I just had it! In fact, you're probably best not to breathe in the area I just cleaned & organized. Are you getting the picture? With all that said, Todd survived the week prior to Thanksgiving & he even commented that I was oddly calm before dad's visit. It's true I wasn't even uptight about him cleaning - or not cleaning.
I welcomed my dad to our home Thanksgiving morning around 10:15 a.m. It was such a joy to open our home to him. I love our home. We already have so many memories here in a short 2 1/2 years. We were about to create new ones.
Dad looked at our family pictures that are placed around our home that have been taken through the years. Pictures of our kids, his grandchildren, whom he had yet to meet. We talked of items that Todd and I have made or redone together that now have a purpose in our home. We hugged, held hands, laughed, cried, and talked and talked. It was good to be in my home with my dad.
Back to Thanksgiving Day..... I pulled out a few couple boxes that mom had left. Dad and I sat together as he explained the best he could about newspaper clippings, post cards and letters that were sent during the Vietnam war. We chatted over pictures of when I was little & photos of family. He told stories of working for my grandpa on the farm, high school, and his life after my mom. He had my full attention, and he was capturing my heart. My memories started to evolve from only remembering the bad things to beginning to remember the happier times.
Lunch was easy for us as it consisted mainly of snacking......crackers, summer sausage, cheese, veggies. We were saving the big meal for when Jerod & Jessica would join us later in the day. More conversation continued to take place about our lives. Just sharing story after story. My dad and husband get along great!
The middle of the afternoon came and Jerod & Jessica arrived. Dad was about to meet our son for the first time. I think they were both quickly smitten with one another. Conversation came easily between the two. Trucks, motors, guitars, music, guns.....I think they could talk all day. I know Jerod was having fun since I noticed his phone never came out of his pocket for hours - and I mean hours - that day.
We had a non-traditional Thanksgiving dinner that evening gathered around our dining room table. What a joy to share a meal together. Even with little sleep, the day went fast. I don't even remember what time everyone left because after 12:30 a.m., what difference does it make? =)
Once during a phone conversation prior to our meeting, dad had begun to apologize for not being a part of my life or the fact he didn't pursue me. I stopped him and said - In our house, we have a sign that says "It Is What It Is". Todd & I live by that saying. Sometimes there is nothing you can do about a situation. It is what it is. You've got to deal with it and move on. I told dad this is how I feel about our past. We can't do anything about what did or didn't happen, but from this point forward we certainly have the ability to make the right choices. It is what it is but so far it's all good!
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