Friday, March 18, 2011

Alone, Quiet, & Calm

Be still, and know that I am God

As we've been nestled in Iowa for 5 months now, it seems I've had a lot of time alone.  Oddly enough, we moved so Todd had less travel & we had more time together.  Our time together has been great, but my days have sometimes been lonely as Mattye is at school & Todd is at work.

I looked for jobs because I qualified to apply.  I went on interviews, I received notifications they had hired someone else.  I had a great interview, but I had an even greater conviction to not work full time.  For 16 years, I have been fortunate enough to work part time and be available for my kids.  While it's just Mattye coming home from school now, I still felt it was important to be home for her.  Todd & I discussed our options, I withdrew my applications, and I left it up to God to lead me where he needs me.

Knowing that I could not literally stay home, I began volunteering 2 days a week at the local nursing home.  How fantastic that has been!  Such great staff, residents and what an awesome program of activities they have.  I have been truely blessed by this experience.

The other 3 days of the work/school week were often a challenge for me.  I hate being alone.  I have gotten to know people who I call friends, but they work too.  There were days where getting out of bed seemed pointless because I had nothing to do.  Then God put someone in my life to share with and help guide through this period in her life.  In reality, this was just as much for me as it was for her.

Todd's "busy season" began much earlier than in years past.  He's been leaving home around 5 a.m. and getting home around 8 p.m.  Needless to say, he's very tired & our time together consists of him eating & preparing for bed.  When the weekend comes, he's been working Saturday physically at the office, or at home.  I've really struggled with this.  When he traveled overnight, I knew he wouldn't be home.  Now, I sit & wait ready for him to come home with so much to say, things I'd like to do, but he's often too tired for my pent up energy.

In the quiet, alone, & calmness of our apartment, God began to change my heart to be content.  God changed my attitude about Todd's work schedule.  What a blessing to have a job to provide for our needs so I can provide for our family household needs.  I've rediscovered my joy of cooking & baking.  Our laundry is rarely ever in massive piles.  I have pride in a clean home.  My job now is to serve our household & see the needs of others.  This should have always been my job.  Life & it's busyiness often clouded this judgement.

I spent a day this week totally by myself.  Wearing my favorite shoes, enjoying the sunshine, dining out alone, walking shops, watching people.  How happy I was at the end of the day & filled with joy!  Letting go and letting God work on me while I'm alone, quiet and calm is so much better than letting satan make me feel pitiful & have no self worth.  I knew I was designed to be better than that.

Passion - 32 Second Video of 22,000 College Students Crying out to God

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